Week 17 (Pacific War Room is Back)

Is that…are we in…YES!!!

WE’RE BACK

PWR is back, bitches. Unfortunately, I’m sick this week, so this recap is going to be a little short. Don’t worry y’all, next week will be War and Peace length.

[If this next bit looks the same, that’s because it is.  Pacific War Room started a week later than we were planning.]

Here’s a quick season recap for those of you who ignored us because, well, we weren’t doing much until very recently:

If you’ve missed the first half of the Sharks’ season, don’t worry. You didn’t miss much. Gone are your father’s Sharks. The current iteration of this team likes to play bad hockey and not win. A lot. To summarize the season thus far:

1. We finally have a captain, Joe Pavelski. Really, he should have been given it last year, but w/e, last year was last year. We’re still not bitter. No one is mad still and thinks the franchise is fucking its own face. No one thinks that.

2. Raffi Torres got another suspension and has yet to play a game this season (Surprise).

3. This team likes to be streaky. This includes several 5+ game losing streaks along with an 8 game winning streak. But mostly losing streaks.

4. They don’t like to win at home. Probably because our new goal song this year is utter shite:

Inside the Tank, it sounds like this:

Yes, we know it sucks. Yes, steps are being taken to fix it.

5. There is none scoring depth outside of the top two lines.

6. Martin Jones was a fantastic pick up for this team. Too bad we’re wasting his great play by not scoring goals.

7. I didn’t win the PowerBall

88. Brent Burns is filthy.

So it’s been a tough first year for new head coach and Canadian Louis C.K. impersonator Peter DeBoer. He’s done some ok things with lines and playing style, like getting rid of Joe Thornton’s infuriating drop passes during offensive rushes. He’s even tackled the mindset of the team by doing little things like moving home game morning skates to the practice facility, rather than SAP Center to change how the boys view playing at home. However, injuries to big producers like Logan Couture and severe regressions and mid-season slumps for early producers like Tomas Hertl, Joel Ward, and Patrick Marleau haven’t helped the team much.

So that was the Jonathan Quick & Dirty of the Sharks’ season; here’s what they’ve been up to more recently:

[Here’s the new stuff:]

Though the current standings paint a much better picture of the team compared to what was described, note that the ascension up the Pacific Division standings has only happened recently, due to the idea that maybe we should start playing real hockey.  The Sharks are surging after a lackluster first 2/5ths of the season. Rookie Finnish product Joonas Donskoi, Captain Joe Pavelski, and Jumbo Joe “I’ll whip my cock out if I score 4 goals” Thornton have been producing like early 20th century child labor: All the time. As of Sunday night, the Sharks have 16 out of a possible 18 points for their last 9 games. Nearly every single player off the team is off the schniede. They’ve figured out how to not blow leads and instead are blowing loads all over other teams’ faces. With that stunning visual in mind, let’s recap what faces got a special sauce drenching this week:

4-3 (SO) Loss at home against OTTAWA

Ok, so maybe not every single team they face gets a load dropped on them, but this game was edging close to that kind of finish. If it weren’t for the latest edition of “Stalocking” the Sharks could have won this game. See Exhibit A

He does this at least once a game. Hey Alex, I wonder why you’re still a back up. Add in a few bad choices in the shootout, and you have the Sharks ending their 5 game winning streak. They still get a point though, and continue to climb the Pacific Division standings. Unfortunately, Alex Stalock is still with the team.

3-1 Win at ARIZONA

I don’t remember this game very well. I was playing the Randy Hahn #DesertDogs drinking game. We scored two goals in the first ten minutes and I spent the remainder of the game picking myself up off the floor. The Sharks improved to 16-6-2 on the road and are working with the NHL to move the remainder of their home games to road locations so maybe they can continue to win.

4-3 Win at home against MINNESOTA

One of the most exciting games this year, the Wild and Sharks went back and forth all game long. Luckily, Captain Joe Pavelski is clutch

After this game, Joe Thornton is on an 8 game point streak, as are the Sharks. Illuminati confirmed. Can’t talk much more about the game, since we have another the next night against the Kings.

3-2(OT) Loss at home against Los Angeles

vs LA.png

I hate the Kings.

To this point in the season, the road team in this series has won each game. I hate the Kings. So, naturally, following some of their best hockey of the season, the Sharks face the Kings in San Jose to end that streak. I hate the Kings. Of course, the Sharks decided they wanted to win the game, so we started Martin Jones on the second night of a back to back to avoid Stalocking the game away. I hate the Kings. I use this graphic a lot to illustrate my points, but it bears repeating why we hate Alex Stalock:

ALexStalocksucks.png

I hate the Kings. As you can see, he has trouble stopping the puck, on account of all of the possible holes for skaters to shoot the puck through. I hate the Kings. So, Peter DeBoer has no choice but to give Jonesy a heavier workload this week to close in on the Kings and 1st place in the Pacific Division. I hate the Kings.

If you’re a Kings fan, you know how this game went. I hate the Kings. If you’re not a Kings fan:

Pavelski scored a beauty.
Jones committed grand larceny twice to end the 2nd.
Donskoi has slick moves (and a 5 game point streak) and Couture bombs it.
Lecavalier scored with seconds left, and Gaborik finished it in OT.

I hate the Kings.

All in all, it was close, not dirty, and good hockey all night long. The OT period was quite possibly the most exciting one I’ve seen all season long.

The loss sees San Jose finish at 54 points and second place in the Pacific, with a game in hand on LA.

Looking ahead, the Sharks face the Avalanche on Tuesday before Captain Joe Pavelski and Modern Day Caveman Brent Burns head to Nashville to play in a ridiculous 3v3 tourney with the NHL’s best. But hey, at least they let John Scott play. Praise be unto HIM:

JohnScottEliteSavior.png

Base photo credit to JD397 on reddit.com/r/hockey. I added in other stuff.

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Week 17 (Pacific War Room is Back)

WEEK 16

AND WE’RE BACK!!!

If you’ve missed the first half of the Sharks’ season, don’t worry. You didn’t miss much. Gone are your father’s Sharks. The current iteration of this team likes to play bad hockey and not win. A lot. To summarize the season thus far:

1. We finally have a captain, Joe Pavelski. Really, he should have been given it last year, but w/e, last year was last year. We’re still not bitter. No one is mad still and thinks the franchise is fucking its own face. No one thinks that.

2. Raffi Torres got another suspension and has yet to play a game this season (Surprise).

3. This team likes to be streaky. This includes several 5+ game losing streaks along with an 8 game winning streak.

4. They don’t like to win at home. Probably because our new goal song this year is utter shite:

Inside the Tank, it sounds like this:

Yes, we know it sucks. Yes, steps are being taken to fix it.

5. There is none scoring depth outside of the top two lines.

6. Martin Jones was a fantastic pick up for this team. Too bad we’re wasting his great play by not scoring goals.

7. I didn’t win the PowerBall

88. Brent Burns is filthy:

http://video.sharks.nhl.com/videocenter/console?hlg=20152016,2,619&lang=en

So it’s been a tough first year for new head coach and Canadian Louis C.K. impersonator Peter DeBoer. He’s done some ok things with lines and playing style, like getting rid of Joe Thornton’s infuriating drop passes during offensive rushes. He’s even tackled the mindset of the team by doing little things like moving home game morning skates to the practice facility, rather than SAP Center to change how the boys view playing at home. However, injuries to big producers like Logan Couture and severe regressions and mid-season slumps for players like Tomas Hertl, Joel Ward, and Patrick Marleau haven’t helped the team much. Though the current standings paint a much better picture of the team compared to what was described, note that the ascension up the Pacific Division standings has only happened recently, due to the idea that maybe we should start playing real hockey.

So that was the Jonathan Quick & Dirty of the Sharks’ season; here’s what they’ve been up to more recently:

WEEK 16

5-4 Win in Calgary

Following up their 7-0 thrashing of the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Sharks headed to Calgary and continued to be oddly good at hockey. Big games from Thornton and Wookie Brent Burns elevated the Sharks to their 20th win of the season and 14th on the road. I said this team had problems at home, but you probably didn’t think they were that bad. The fortress that was the Shark Tank has turned into a fish in a barrel situation for opposing teams. No wonder attendance is so down:

 

Attendance.png

 

7 Sellouts in 21 games (As of 1/17/16) is terrible by this club’s standard and not the greatest way to kick off our 25th anniversary. And look at that graph again. No one has gone to games 21-41. Not a single person. Does this spell doom for the Sharks franchise? It doesn’t, but it sure does sound like a good Twitter headline to get some clicks.

In other good news from this game, Logan Couture scored his first goal of the season after coming back from Tomas Hertl falling on and breaking Cooch’s leg in practice in October. Though the game was back and forth, the team showed resilience in its ability to not completely implode.

Oh yeah, they won this game by only taking 18 SOG. That’s a 27.8% conversion rate. Sweet.

4-1 Win in Winnipeg

The Sharks lost at home to Winnipeg 1-4 only 10 days ago, so it’s only fair that this game ended with a flipped score in Manitoba. It was actually a very close game until about 6 minutes to go in the 3rd period, with the Sharks up 2-1, when Jets’ Tyler Myers cross checked Wimmy Tongles and was rewarded with a game misconduct, 5 minute major, and a $5,000 fine.

Things got even worse for Winnipeg after Blake Wheeler tripped the slice of Swiss cheese that started the game (backup goalie Alex Stalock) while trying to land a shortie to tie the game (WARNING: Jamie Baker orgasm noises are present in the second half of the video):

If nothing else, at least Winnipeg fans are really good at unison cheers directed at officials.

With 2 full minutes of 5-on-3, Joe Pavelski nabbed one of the sweetest goals from the bottom of the circle:

http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/embed?playlist=2015020638-661-a&site=sharks

The Sharks finished off with an empty netter to seal it 4-1. It was a good effort from the boys and completed a sweep on this two game, back-to-back Western Canada swing. It also extended their winning streak to 3 as they head home to face Todd McClellan for the first time at SAP Center since he joined Edmonton.

2-1 (SO) Win against Edmonton

Listen to this for this recap section:

Now sing along:

Sharks shootout in game at home
Watch them deke it
Watch them score
Watch them finally win
4 games in a row
Now watch me watch JOOO-
(-Nas Donskoi)
JOOO-
(-Nas Donskoi)

Ok. Pause that. Watch this:

 

Also, Raffi Torres finished his suspension and will rehab with our AHL affiliate:

Accident-Prevention-Sign-NHE-8486_1000.png

4-3 (OT) Win against Dallas

So I was at this game. Which means I didn’t get a good look at it from my not couch and not DVR, but let me tell you what happened.

First period: Crap.
Second Period: Crap.
Third Period: HOLY SHIT
OT: “Fun must be always”

Most of the goals scored on the Sharks were poor defensive breakdowns, especially a rather egregious error from Defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic right in front of Martin Jones to leave the net minder high and dry. Luckily, Vlasic channeled his inner Brent Burns and finished the night with 2 goals and the assist on Hertl’s OT winner. This makes 3 wins in a row at home and 5 overall.  They continue the home stretch with Ottawa coming to town Monday, which has Sharks fans clamoring for

 

Maybe things aren’t so bad after all?
The Sharks now sit 3rd in the Pacific with 48 points, with 1 game in hand on both Arizona and LA.

EDITORIAL: The NHL can choke on a dick:

 

Next week:
Ottawa at home, Desert Dogs (BOOO) in Glendale, and Minnesota Wild at home.

WEEK 16